The Method of "Tell Me More"

The process of “tell me more” is very helpful when attempting to understand a person’s thoughts or feelings. When you ask a person to “tell me more” you get more information than you otherwise would have gotten from the individual. After using this method I asked the individual how it made them feel. They responded that it made them feel like I was more engaged and interested in their conversation. They were more willing to tell me more information because they felt that I actually cared and wanted to know.

I think that negotiators and lawyers in general can learn a lot from this process. Our profession relies heavily on information given to us. That is, we rely on information given to us by our colleagues, our clients, our employers, and the court in the handling of our cases and the strategies we employ. Prying more into topics by saying “tell me more” allows you to gain insight that you may not have otherwise gained. It may lead to clients telling you more information that, while they felt was unimportant, is critical to the case at hand. Practitioners should rely on this method and employ it often.

Separating Emotion to Understand Concern; Active Listening

Prior to the first week of class I handled a dispute with a client over the work performed by the attorney I work for. The client was very upset that the attorney was not contacting them as much as they wanted them to about the progress of the case. In this instance it was concerning the Judge’s granting of a particular motion. We had previously informed the client that we would contact them as soon as the Judge ruled on the motion. However, the Client did not understand that the process of getting a ruling on a motion could take several weeks depending on the Judge’s caseload. The Client was concerned that we were avoiding him. Asking more about why he felt that way I was able to determine that he thought that us avoiding him meant that we had bad news about the case and that he just wanted to make sure that we were still confident in the success of our case. Listening to his concerns and understanding why he had those concerns has helped us in our future correspondence with the client. We, rather than get frustrated with daily calls, have determined that all the client wants was our reassurance. Since we reassured the client, the client has become more open to waiting for a ruling and has become more confident that this case will yield a positive outcome for him.

Blogging Exercise # 1

In reflecting on Chapters 1-3 of Getting To Yes I find it very interesting the author’s approach to problem resolution. Many people can’t help but to view problems from their position in the dispute. Many people can’t see the other side’s point of view because they are not focused on the other party’s interests but rather their position. When, as the author suggests, people listen to the other party and understand their interests, they are better able to understand their position. If you know why a person has a certain position, while it may not help you to agree with that position, it may allow you to better solve the problem by means of a compromise. A compromise is only possible if you understand the other person’s concerns, i.e. interests. Once you understand these concerns, you can address them when attempting to solve the problem. If you do not open the dialogue so that the parties understand each other’s interests, then a successful compromise or agreement is harder to achieve.


Furthermore, understanding that this is a conflict between two persons with emotions and interest of their own, both within the context of the dispute and outside of the dispute, helps people to better communicate. Once you understand that you are engaging in a conflict with another person and understand that person it places a certain emotional dynamic into the mix that may be helpful. Additionally, in instances where emotions are running high in a dispute, for example a divorce, it is helpful to separate the emotions from the problem, as emotions tend to blind people of solutions to their problems.